The art of (having your kids) do nothing

Sitting at my Son's soccer game a couple Saturday's back, I listened to a woman describe her two children's schedules to another set of Soccer parents.

She went on for what seemed like hours, listing the various activities that she and her husband ferry the kids back and forth to.  Piano, Math club, dance, hockey in winter, soccer and baseball in summer.  One of her kids was a master Horse rider, the other a champ at lacrosse.  Not to mention homework, play dates, sleep overs, school functions.

What's worse, rather than sounding exhausted herself........she seemed to be bragging.

What's to brag about????  Her life seemed utterly out of control to me.  Who's running the asylum?

What is up with parents and societies that feel the more a child does, the busier we keep them - the more accomplished we are?   Are we projecting our competitive need for accomplishment on our children?

I have a friend who is still dealing with the guilt she feels about not allowing one of her sons to do a fourth sport because it took too much out of her to get him to games at 4AM.   Guilt???  I take my hat off to her.  Now she's only running around 18 hours a day.

My husband and I have long felt out of place in over-achieving New England due to our polar opposite viewpoints on how to schedule our minimal free time. Down-time,  quiet family time spent reading or just horse-playing.  How about watching a movie together snuggled up on the couch covered in blankets and munching popcorn? (Shock, horror, yes we have on-demand.....)

One of our children is too young (we feel) to be in any organized activity outside of pre-school, while so many of his little friends are already heavily commited to things. Our older child is involved in one sport, that's it.  With two practices and a game per week......none of us (including him) want to commit to more.

I would miss the spontaneity of seeing what happens with the day if it were all so scheduled.  What about the creativity it takes to "make-up" things to do?

And when questioned by curious parents as to the kind of things my kids are involved in, I proudly say "just soccer and actually, just the older one."  Stunned silence.  What I really want to add is  "We enjoy our children, we like to spend time with them"

I was relieved to read a piece in Sunday's New York times about this very phenomenon.  That grass roots organizations are springing up protesting the overload of activities that take away from quality family time.

www.puttingfamilyfirst.org,  www.balance4success.org and  www.readysetrelax.org have sprung up as testament to the fact that perhaps families need to take back some time for themselves. 

As I took my attention away from the brag-a-docious Soccer Mom and watched my glorious son scoot down the field with his team-mates, I felt at peace with my choices for family.    Quiet day ahead with plenty of time for who knows what?

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